What Did It For Me

All of this happened because of a cat.

In my early 20s I was a beauty junkie. I was obsessed with smokey eyes, brows that were on fleek, cutting my own bangs, dying my hair, makeup palettes, spray tans, facials, false lashes and recreating vintage looks. I received a healthy dose of education from my mother growing up, as she shares my love for beauty, and from Kandee Johnson YouTube videos. At 23 I figured I was in the right position to enroll in an esthetician program. Maybe by 30 I'll be a successful celebrity makeup artist in New York City.

Fast forward almost three years into the industry, somewhere between ending an unhealthy relationship and hating my life working at a chain waxing center. I was feeling really tired and burned out at 25 years of age and was at a point where if something did not change soon, I was probably going to self-destruct. Between my stress level, eating terrible, getting very little sleep and running on lattes and on autopilot daily I almost did. My esthetician job was at a very strict, booked-solid-everyday, "Top 10 of America" center where your job was threatened almost daily for some of the most ridiculous things, no matter how good you were. It was very stressful. My commute was over an hour sometimes and I was waking up at the butt-crack of dawn just to leave very late at night taking extra shifts frequently to balance my commission and meet goals that were expected of me. When I did have time to eat it was to binge the stress away at the end of a long shift, often while I sat in my car in front of a Chipotle. I had no time for anything or anyone else. I lost myself and the passion I once had for the career I chose, and truly hoped that there was something more to live for than being a slave to money.

Then the day that would change my life forever finally happened on Sunday, October 25, 2015. I saw her as we were driving by; a six-week old gray tabby kitten that could fit in the palm of my hand, just laying in the middle of our street with an orange tabby kitten, not even trying to run from my brother's car.

By the time we got out of the car, the orange tabby had darted for a neighbor's garage. The gray baby was hungry and underweight, friendly but kind of slow and lethargic. There was thick, green mucus blocking her nostrils and almost forcing her eyes shut. She would not stop making these high-pitched, heartbreaking mews. My brother and I scooped up the little gray kitten, placed her inside of a cardboard box with holes and brought her home while my sister ran to the house to have lunchmeat and milk set up for her, before she went out again to go buy a little bed, blanket and toy. By the time she was wrapped in a blanket inside my arms later that night, I was already in love with her.

Turns out this baby had conjunctivitis, ear mites, an upper respiratory infection, pooping issues, lungs that were leaking fluid and fleas, among other issues. We reluctantly and unsuccessfully attempted to re-home her as no one was going to want a kitten with so many medical needs, so she stayed with us, downstairs in our laundry room and without even thinking twice I took care of her medical expenses with half of my savings and nursed her back to health. If we were going to keep her for the time being, might as well name her.

For the first few weeks, I would get calls while at work from my mom about how Cupcake's health was declining. It was rough. Fearing for her life, the veterinary appointments always left me in tears. For weeks, this kitten would sleep in my hand as I would be sitting on the laundry room floor literally sobbing for hours and praying that she would not die. Before long my mom and her husband fell in love with her too and once they gave me the okay this little one ended up staying with us permanently.

Cupcake asleep in my hand, the day we found her

One of many of the underweight and sick/laundry room days

In the meantime I ended up losing my job that New Years Eve because I was $25 (and 1%) behind on my commission goals, so it left me with even more time to take care of her (thank God for the fact that I saved more than half of the money I made). It was a long road, but Cupcake is finally my completely healthy, chubby, feisty two-year old and she is a spoiled brat who is loved more than life itself by many. Because of her, the family adopted another cat, Tigger, from our local shelter and we have also adopted Mufasa and Snowflake, two outside feral cats, since.

Cupcake today

Tigger, with Cupcake creeping in the background

Mufasa and Snowflake

I took so much pride in caring for Cupcake and being her rescuer. I loved watching her grow into a cat and grow into a personality that was all her own. The science of it all fascinated me. Her neediness and dependence on me, especially as she was sick, truly softened me as a human being in ways I would never have believed were possible for me. My empathy for other animals grew quickly as I began nursing her back to health. Every other animal I came across also won my heart. I found myself donating to every rescue taking care of a hurting animal I would find on social media, becoming a volunteer at my local animal shelter, finding homes for animals who needed to be re-homed, transporting animals (anywhere from 4 to 35 at a time) to out-of-state shelters and signing every petition out there for animal welfare and crime issues.

One particular petition I signed I assume was somehow tied to PETA because next thing I knew I was getting letters in the mail from the organization every so often. One day I was sent postcards to sign and send out to specific politicians and lawmakers, urging them to fight against animal testing and vivisection. I never totally knew what this was. I had always heard of cosmetics that were labeled "cruelty free," but other than that I knew nothing about animal testing or animal experiments. I kind of just assumed animal testing was basically somebody running a red lipstick down a pig's back and seeing if he broke out. I was about to learn just how totally wrong I was.

Each postcard featured a disturbing image of a beautiful orange cat being experimented on. A stainless steel post had been drilled into the feline's skull so that she would not move as she endured agony being tested on. She was stuffed in a blue nylon bag as this was happening. That was one picture. I was horrified.

The second postcard featured another picture of her, this time with a giant tube being shoved down her throat.

The last picture, the one that caught my attention the most, showed the feline's head cut up, her blood dripping onto the table as toxic substances and electrical devices were placed in her ears to deafen her.

The accompanying letter from PETA explained the story behind the cat, whose name was Double Trouble, and how she was tormented for months in labs at University of Wisconsin during sound localization experiments. According to PETA1, this cat was "starved for days a time to make her 'more obedient' during experiments". Eventually the feline died due to the wound on her head becoming infected. After death, her brain was dissected. The university admitted to the experiment being "a failure" and refused to release the photos and records of Double Trouble's agonizing procedures until they were sued by PETA. The postcard photos were of her last "experiment".

At that moment I was unsure of whether to hate PETA or to thank them for opening my eyes and exposing such darkness, but I could not hold back my tears either way. Honestly, to say that I was moved to tears by this tragedy does not even begin to cut it. I was scarred for life by these pictures in such a way that I already know I will never forget Double Trouble as long as I live. As much as I was horrified, I had such an urgency from that moment on to protect anything in harm's way without a voice. The story affected me to the point where I was no longer comfortable with the idea of any animal suffering or dying ever again for selfishness, which also prompted me to give my family the shock of their lives when I became a vegetarian right on the spot.

Animal testing and vivisection, indeed, was not science; this really was torture2.

I remembered how much pain Cupcake was in when we first picked her off the street and all of her little heartbreaking cries, and I could not even fathom the horrifying idea of a foreign object breaking through each layer of her skin and being drilled into her skull, preventing her from naturally reacting to something burning her, blinding her, mutilating her, and so on. Had my cat been in the wrong place at the wrong time, she could have been Double Trouble. My heart just broke over the idea that this vicious method of "science" exists in this day and age. When I tried to imagine my Cupcake on a lab table enduring those procedures, I literally sobbed for weeks.

I found myself faced with an issue: animal testing and vivisection. It was now staring me right in the face and maybe for the first time in my life, there was something in the world that I was passionate enough about to try to change, and I knew my life was never going to be the same because of it. In a country where you are in trouble with the law for leaving your pet in a car for two minutes while you go grab coffee from a convenience store, the same animals are being mercilessly tortured, mutilated and killed behind lab doors...and it is legally justified.

I began to do research on animal testing and vivisection. In this day and age, why are animals still being the victim of these barbaric tests? I had to know. Knowing the answers to some of my questions could also be scarring, I took the risk. It could not possibly scar me more than it scarred these babies being locked behind cage doors every day, starved for weeks, injected on, drilled into, cut up and mutilated- and all of the babies who would take their places in those cages once they died.

What other animals are being used as victims in these procedures? 
Where are they coming from and who finds them? 
How else are these animals tortured during experiments? 
Were there alternatives to animal testing? 
What companies were testing ingredients on animals or having their final products being tested on animals in the labs of third-parties? 

For each answer I could find, I had five more questions.

What can we as people do to stop this? 
If cancer has been cured in mice for years and not in humans, isn't that enough proof that this is all kinda pointless?
What are the current laws and what laws need to be passed in order for this to end? 
Why has this been the resorted option for decades? 
Why is a significant amount of people completely unaware of all of this?

When I found out that there are many alternatives to animal testing and vivisection3 but that this was the method we had continued to resort to for decades after these things came about, something just snapped within me. Whatever it is that fuels your temper, your passion, your anger, your drive...I had it and it was on full force. There is a quote out there that says to accept what you cannot change and change what you cannot accept, and from that moment on what I could not accept was to live in a country or even in a world that accepted these horrific, useless, outdated practices. And I never will.

I have been living happily cruelty-free since 2016. Once I did my research and found out that Maybelline was not a cruelty free cosmetic brand (and still is not, as of May 2018) I got rid of my favorite mascara, then emptied my makeup bag and drawers of every product I owned by a company that participated in animal testing according to the lists I found on PETA and on Cruelty Free Kitty. I wanted not even an ounce of this evil in my home. I purchased a cruelty-free laundry detergent from Target. I vowed to never again support or purchase from companies who still actively test on animals (or sell products to mainland China, where animal testing on cosmetics is the law) and to be sure that anything I did purchase was stamped with a legit cruelty free seal. I now only wear cruelty free makeup, every product I use on clients as a makeup artist is cruelty free only and I decided to never again accept an esthetician job unless the lines used were cruelty free as well. My name is on the petition for the Humane Cosmetic Act. I educate my family and friends on the things I learn throughout this journey and at their own will they too are making the changes necessary so that they are living in accordance to their belief that no living being should have to suffer for the sake of vanity. It all sounds pretty radical, but if you are staying true to your values, you have to be.

Actor James Cromwell and PETA research project manager Jeremy Beckham get arrested protesting animal testing and vivisection at University of Madison, holding up posters of Double Trouble

When it felt like I still could not do enough for this side of the cause, I decided to devote an entire blog to inspiring a cruelty-free world. This issue has been a tremendous call to my heart for the last two years. With currently many alternatives to animal testing and vivisection, I strongly feel that as innovative and intelligent humans we do not need to compromise our ethics for a lipstick or a laundry detergent (and honestly, if the ingredients in your products are that questionable that they are being sent out to labs to be tested on animals, then this should tell you something about the products you are wearing and inhaling on a daily basis).

Double Trouble's suffering lives on in so many other cats, dogs, rabbits, mice and monkeys behind cages (just to name a few animals frequently tested on), both present and future. My deepest hope is to someday see this garbage become outlawed in the United States in my lifetime, and hopefully in the world as well. Unable to save them all, I have vowed to do my part to ensure that no part of animal cruelty, animal vivisection and cosmetic animal testing is ever supported or funded by my money. No one's hard-earned money should be going towards something this insanely evil and people deserve to know the truth about the products they are paying for.

Living a cruelty-free lifestyle is so beneficial obviously to our animals, but also in many ways to our gorgeous planet and to ourselves. I hope to inspire folks to go compassionate, see how their small changes significantly impact the world and watch as kindness blesses them back.

It is easier than you think- let me show you how.